Twice Dead
by SaveMeFromThisLoadedGun
Summary: I love her, and I would do anything for her, even if it means giving up everything that i know and love. And that's real talk.
1. Prologue

**Ok so i thought i'd try somthin otha than a one shot. So tell me what you guys think, if i should continue or not. Reviews help me know what i can do better. I own nothing but the story line, which was inspired by the song Dont Fear the Reaper and the movie Meet Joe Black. Oh and i'm still looking for a beta so if anyone is interested, email me at ks people.**

'All for you baby, all for you.' That was my last coherent thought before I slammed my car into a light pole in my drunken stupor. My last thought before I was engulfed in the sounds of crashing and bending metal. My last thought before my body went numb with the pain of millions of glass shards lodging themselves in my body. My last thought before I go to live with my love forever. My last thought before I am engulfed in darkness, and drift away from the world. My last thought when I was truly alive.

"1, 2, 3. CLEAR!" Shockwaves of electricity followed by a faint rush of pain rippled through my body, but I knew it wouldn't last much longer. I knew she would come for me. "CLEAR!", the doctors scream again. It doesn't bother me as much this time though, I mean would something that is getting increasingly fainter bother you? I looked down upon my body and watched the life slowly drain from it. It's a strange thing, you know, watching yourself die. Seeing the reactions of loved ones, the despair of the doctors as they frantically try to save you. I glanced at my family, strained to hear what they were saying. My mother was in hysterics. "Oh God no, not again not my baby." I watched her weep into my fathers shoulder. Him, ever being the rock, gently cradled her against his body as silent tears ran down his face. Oh how I'll miss him. He was always so loving and understanding, even when I came out. My mother on the other hand, well I won't say I hate her because I love her dearly, but she didn't accept me at all. Guess you're regretting that no aren't you. Wow I really shouldn't think such things; I mean she must have really loved me to be reacting like that. And my brothers. I think I'll miss them the most. All the times we had, sneaking out, locking each other out of the bathrooms in the mornings, overall looking out and protecting one another. Yeah, I know I'll miss them the most. And friends? Well I never had any true friends since the move. The only genuine friend I had was Clay's girlfriend Chelsea. She'll miss me, and I'll miss her and the baby as well. I glanced at my broken family one last time whispering "I love you" knowing full well they couldn't hear it, and turned away to continue watching my death.

I'm told this wasn't the first time I've died. I guess that's why my mother was screaming not again. Apparently flat lining during surgery after a car crash for more than 5 minutes is considered death. They said it was a miracle I made it. I'm not complaining though. That's the first time I met her. I thought it was a dream, but looking back now, I know better. I watched the doctors work frantically; I've been out for about 4 and a half minutes this time. I guess they're hoping for another miracle. Too bad it won't come. I am in this situation purely by choice this time. I know you're wondering why anyone would willing cause his or her own death. But you weren't there that fate full 6 months ago when I took my first walk, however short, with death. You weren't there to meet her. You weren't there all the time between. You weren't there…

"Thinking about me?"

I turn to the musical voice I've come to love over the last 6 months. How she always knows what I'm thinking, I'll never know. I turn to face her.

I reply with a smile, "I thought you weren't going to come, you were taking so long."

She sighed. "I wasn't going to. I was hoping you would come to your senses and go back, but I guess that was wishful thinking on my part."

I frown, "You don't want me here?"

She looks down at the ground before meeting my now sad blue eyes. I am engulfed in a shade of brown so dark it is almost black. Suiting considering her profession.

"It's not that. It's just, this life isn't for you. You're innocent, naïve, and look at all you're going to leave behind. And for what? Me? I don't deserve you enough to have you make that sacrifice for me. It isn't your time!"

I wince as she yells the last phrase, and she immediately looks down.

"I'm sorry," she says, "It's just, you know I would have waited an eternity for you."

I waited for her to look at me again before I spoke.

I looked her dead in the eye as I said, "But I couldn't."

"Spencer, why are you doing this? You still have your whole life ahead of you. You can go back, you still have time." She begs. "It will be just like the first time, a miracle."

"I don't want to go back Ashley, I want to be with you. I don't care about the rest of them. I love my family, but they'll move on. But me? I can't stop thinking about you. It was getting so bad that I might as well have been dead with the way I was drinking after you left me. Please, please. Just, try to understand. This is what I want. This is ALL that I want. I just want to be with you. Please," I looked down, "Just let me be with you."

"Spencer…"

I looked up once again to see her outstretched hand, the ghost of a smile on her face. With a smile of my own I reached for her outstretched hand. I was so enraptured in her that I didn't notice the machines completely flat line the second my fingers brushed against hers. I didn't notice how when she pulled me into her warm embrace the doctors gave up on my body, and began putting the tools away. I didn't notice that my family began weeping harder as the doctor nodded his head and looked to the floor. I did notice how perfectly we fit together. How we were slowly drifting away from the scene unfolding below. How we were soon engulfed in a mist. I looked back one last time, to catch one last glimpse of the life I used to lead. I see the doctor come out of the room and walk to my parents. I watch as his lips move and read them from afar.

"Time of death, 9:47 pm."

My family wept.

Those are the last things I see and hear as I float off into the darkness. Ashley whispers reassurances in my ear, tells me everything is going to be ok. Whispers I love you's on my lips, as she gently caresses them with her own. Cradles me against her body so I can't see anymore. Ashley who I am always thinking of. Ashley who is my love, who is my new life, who is my everything.

Ashley who is the angel of death.

Ashley who is, for lack of better words, the grim reaper.


	2. Chapter 1

**alright 1st off i wanna say thanks 2 the people who reviewed cuz they encouraged me to continue this, um i hav the next 2 chapters written out and they're kinda slow, but stick with it and i promise it'll pick up, im outta school so i'll try to update more frequently, oh and srry if there r a lot of grammar errors and stuff i sent it to get beta'd and when it gets back i'll post the good copy, so um yea thats pretty much it, dont 4get 2 review even if u hate it i wanna kno lol ok ill stop ramblin now and let u get to the story/ok so its been edited **

Retrospect. Hindsight. Reflection. Such a bitch when you think about it. You know it's funny how two events, so similar in every possible aspect can have such completely different outcomes. How one thing can lead to life, while the other can lead to new life in death…

--

**6 Months Ago**

"Aiden, look, I know that you're looking out for me, and I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me in the last 3 years. But I can't, I just can't do it anymore. I can't live like this. I can't not be _me._ It's killing me, and I see it, and you see it and I know my parents have to see it. I just…"

"Spence, it's fine. You know I'll love you no matter what; you're like a little sister to me. Wow if that didn't sound totally pervy, considering we've been "dating" since freshmen year."

The two shared a laugh.

"Man, Aid. 3 years. Feels like a life time ago, huh? But do you see why I have to do this? We're about to start our _senior_ year, Aid. This is the last chance we get to do this high school thing right, you know? I don't want to hide this year. It's too much work, and to be honest with you, im tired of pretending, so very tired."

"I get it Spence, I just don't want you to get hurt. You know how religious your family is. I swear, when you first moved here, the whole school thought you were Mormon."

"Very funny, Aiden. But I don't understand why me coming out would change how they view me. I'll still be their daughter. I won't have changed. I don't get what the big deal is. Hell, I you asked why I put it off for this long I couldn't tell you. I mean my dad is pretty open minded, don't you think?

"Yea, he is. But your mom, man she's religious enough for you whole family, and then some. But really Spencer, you're sure you want to do this?"

"Yea, I am. I've waited so long, I'm finally ready to let it out."

"Ok, well if you're sure Spence. Hey, do you want me to come with you? For like moral support or something?"

"See, this I why I love you Aiden. You're a total dork, but you're always there for me. And I'll never forget, but forever appreciate that."

"Thanks Spence, I love you too. But call me a dork again, and we aren't friends anymore. You know I'm a hunk, and that if you weren't gay, you'd be all over me."

"Puh-leze Aiden. I've got plenty of other friends, I don't need you."

"Plenty of friends, huh? Like who? Chelsea , who just so happens to be your brother's girlfriend. Is this the _friend_ which you speak of?"

"Aww Aid, you just had to go there, didn't you? It's not my fault I'm not popular like you, Mr. Basketball star. Besides, you know I hooked Chelsea and Clay up, so she was mine first."

"Basketball star? You're flattering me, Spence. Hey, do you want me to call Chelsea ? See if she wants to be there too, you know to help me with the moral support thing?"

"If you could call her that would be great. I know I already said this, but I really love you and Chelsea. You guys are all the friends I'll ever need."

"Yup, friends till the end. So be at your house when?"

**"Dinner time. You know, the time** when you normally show up unannounced at my house."

"Hey it's not my fault your dad is a damn good cook. But hey, Spence, I got to go handle some stuff before I head over to your place, so I'm going to head out now, okay?"

"Ok, but Aiden, please don't forget to come."

"And miss _actually _being invited for dinner? No way! I'll call you when I'm on my way."

"Alright, bye Aid."

"Bye Spence."

--

Ashley listened to the exchange with a blank expression as her father played it throughout her room. They sounded so young, so carefree. How she loathed what she was, what she was about to do. 'Why me?' She turned to respond to her fathers previously voiced question these words on the tip of her tongue 'Why must the good die young?'

What she voiced was "Oh Spencer, Aiden, I hope you two enjoy your last day."


	3. Chapter 2

**ok so im really sorry abt the wait i planned on putting this up like 3 days after the last chapter but my stupid hard drive crashed, it just got fixed and the only reason this chap got saved was cuz i emailed 2 rite b4 so again im really sorry guys, um i had wrote the next chapter but it got lost so im rewriting it, i dont really like it all 2 much but eh? wat r u gonna do u kno, any way ill let u guys get 2 the post, oh and i hav the edited chapter 1 up if u wanna go bac and reread it, again im super sorry guys and you can expect the next chapter b4 next tuesday, thank you everyone who reviews and faved my story it makes me feel fuzzy inside lol, ok im done rambling now enjoy**

Dinner was done and everyone sat back completely satisfied. Spencer realized that if she was truly going to go through with this it had to be now. Slowly she pushed her chair back from the table, stood, and began to speak.

"Hey Mom, Dad. Can I um…I have um…something I want to tell you."

The two looked around the table of teens to see if they could find any clue as to why their daughter, who was normally calm under any amount of pressure, had suddenly taken up this nervous demeanor. Finding no visible hint of recognition on their faces, the pair turned back to Spencer.

"Go ahead Spence, we're listening." Arthur quietly urged. He had a slight feeling of what Spencer was going to say, and if he was right, he knew he would have to handle the situation very delicately for the sake of Spencer.

"Well you see, you know how me and Aiden have been going out for a while now, and well um…um…we, we were thinking that you know maybe it was kinda sorta…"

"Jesus Spencer," Glen interrupted "Will you get to the damn point already?"

"Language Glen." His mother reprimanded.

Spencer sent a soft smile her way before attempting to continue again.

"So as I was saying, me and Aiden were thinking, and this is really for the best you know, seeing as how college is next year and everything and…"

Aiden let out an aggravated sigh abruptly interrupting her ramblings and stood up besides Spencer.

"We're breaking up."

An audible gasp could be heard from Paula's direction

"As a matter of fact we were never really dating."

Paula still shocked glanced between Spencer and Aiden, and attempted not to choke on the drink of water she just took.

Arthur shared a knowing glance with Chelsea and Clay, the only two people besides Aiden who knew what was going on, signaling he had figured out the direction of Spencer's confession.

Glen just smirked, having always sensed something off about the young couple.

Paula finally recovered and managed to squeeze out a small "What?"

Spencer looked down at the table then back to the faces of family and friends, determined to get what she had to say out this time.

"What Aiden means, mom is that he was pretending to be my boyfriend."

"But, but, why would you do something like that Spencer? If you didn't like Aiden why didn't you just find another boy? I don't understand why you were pretending." A still confused Paula lets out.

"Mom, I didn't want to find another boy, because it's not just Aiden, its all of them. Boys in general."

"Don't like boys? Spencer what are you saying?"

"What I'm saying mom is this. I'm gay. You know a lesbian. I like girls."

And with that finally off her chest, Spencer waited for the bomb to explode. And explode it did, with just as much fire as Spencer had expected. It was like a sensory overload for her as the room went immediately from dead silent, to full of noise, so loud you couldn't think straight.

Glen chimed in first "I KNEW something was up with you and Aiden. It just didn't seem right. Congrats on coming out baby sis."

And with that her father, Chelsea, Clay, Aiden, and Glen burst into applause at Spencer's courage to come out, as they had all suspected it at one time or another. But the playful whoops, and clapping from her friends and family weren't what Spencer heard. All she heard was the quiet, yet forceful word whispered from her mother's mouth.

"No"

Had the room been silent, Spencer still doubted the word would have been heard, but her mother made damn sure it was heard the second time, and the whole room quieted and gaped at Paula's next outburst.

"NO!! You are NOT gay! I will not have it! NO child of mine will be gay! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME SPENCER!? YOU AREN'T GAY!!"

All eyes in the room turned from Paula to Spencer, awaiting her reaction.

Spencer spoke softly, almost timidly "What do you mean no child of yours will be gay? Huh mom, what does that mean?"

Paula stared daggers at her daughter.

Through tight lips she responded, "What do you think it means Spencer?"

She looked quizzically at her mother before answering softly, "I don't know."

Paula retorted calmly, "What I means is this: you are not allowed to be gay in this house. If you choose to continue to be gay, you can get the hell out of my house. Its your choice, Spencer, your family or this."

No one was expecting that and all were shocked into silence, before Arthur exploded.

"PAULA YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO KICK OUR DAUGHTER OUT OF THE HOUSE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

"IT'S A CHOICE ARTHUR. I DON'T UDERSTADN WHY…"

The rest was a blur in Spencer's mind as she drowned out the voices of the argument. She looked to her brothers and her friends. All she found in their eyes was love and support, and she knew she had made the right decision. Seeing their acceptance and love gave her the strength to do what she was about to do.

"Excuse me, _Paula._" Spencer's voice effectively silenced her parents' argument as Paula immediately spun around to glare at Spencer.

"I am you mother, you will NOT talk to me like that. Do you understand me?"

" No _Paula_, I don't think I do. Because you see here in America, when a person no longer lives with their parents, they no longer have to abide by their idiotic rules, do they?"

"Spencer," Paula let out in a shocked whisper as she listened to her daughters words, "You can't mean that, honey. You can't just throw your life away on an impulse."

Spencer who had held her composure all throughout the exchange finally cracked at that.

"DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I CHOOSE THIS? DO YOU THINK I WOULD WILLING FACE THE FUCKED UP ASSHOLES OF THE WORLD WHO BELIEVE THE SAME THINGS AS YOU? HUH, MOM? DO YOU THINK I WANT TO HAVE PEOPLE SEE ME AND IMMEDIATELY HATE ME FOR BEING WHO I AM? THIS IN NO IMPULSE! THIS IS WHO I AM. I CAN'T CHANGE IT. I just can't change it. Don't you think I've tried?

Spencer ended her tirade in a broken whisper before turning toward the door, her brothers and Aiden closely following her.

Arthur called out after her.

"Spencer wait no stop," he chased after her "You don't have to go. Your mom, she doesn't mean it, Spencer she's just shocked is all, she'll come around. Just wait it out you know we all love you." He pleaded.

"I love you too dad, but I'll see you later, ok? I'll be back next week for my stuff."

And with that Spencer walked out of the house with Aiden, waving bye over her shoulder. Before anyone could realize what was happening, she was in the car and gone.


End file.
